Sophomore Year, First Semester (Fall 2010) Part 2

After the tournament in Oklahoma City, our assistant coach asked what I was doing the next day.  I said I had nothing planned.  He told me to come out to a local course where he would work with me on my golf swing.  Since my golf game was worse than it had ever been, I thought some more help couldn't hurt.


I went out to the course the next day and was ready to work.  The assistant coach worked with me on a new swing.  He also had a former Oklahoma Christian golfer help with what he was teaching me.  After about an hour of hard work on the driving range, I was excited about where my golf game was headed.


I practiced the rest of the semester on this new swing.  Instead of hitting shots that were push-hooks, I was trying to hit low-fades.  This was a drastic change which I knew would not be easy to get used to.  From September 29th to mid-November I just worked on this new swing.  Slowly but surely, my misses began to get smaller and smaller.  I was beginning to hit the ball a little straighter.  I still wasn't playing that well, but I was playing better than I had the past few months.  Most of the semester was spent working on this new swing.  I was determined to get my golf game ready for the Spring semester.


When mid-November came, I was ready for a break.  I had probably played golf an average of 5 days per week for the last year and a half.  In the Spring of 2009, my senior year of high school, I started playing golf at the beginning of March when basketball season got over, and I didn't stop playing since.  I played from March 2009 through November 2010 without any breaks.  I needed a break.  With the exception of a couple days, I didn't touch a golf club for the rest of the semester.


It was during this semester that God really began to work on my heart, and in my life.


I am not sure when it was or where it was, but at some point during this semester I felt the Lord teaching me that golf isn't about how I play, but rather about the relationships I develop.  God has given me the talent to play golf.  I have done nothing to deserve this blessing.  If God has given me the ability to play golf, then it is my job to glorify Him through golf.  I felt like I had done a terrible job of building relationships the past 15 months.  I was so focused on my golf game and how I played, that I pretty much ignored everyone around me.  On the course I was really quiet and tried to focus on my game.  I did a great job or tuning everyone out; something I felt the Lord convicting me of.  I never took the time to ask how the other guys were doing.  I never took the time to hang out with the guys on my golf team.  I was so focused on myself that I completely ignored everyone else.  I didn't realize it at the time, but the Lord was definitely working on my heart.


During this time, the people around me were (and still are) incredibly wonderful.


First, my family was amazing!  I usually spoke every night with my parents just to see how the day had been.  They always asked how I played that day.  My answer was usually, "Not very good."  They always encouraged me and told me that my game would return.  They told me to keep working hard and it would all pay off.  We always ended each conversation with a prayer.  I knew my parents were praying for me, and that brought me great comfort.  My sister was also very encouraging.  Whenever the topic of golf came up, she would tell me to hang in there and keep working hard.


The guys on my golf team were unbelievably patient.  Every day I would play terrible golf.  I would hit the ball in the water, I would hit the ball in the sand, I would hit the ball in the trees, I would hit the ball in the weeds, and I would hit the ball out of bounds.  Every single time the guys would help me look for my ball.  Not once would they say a mean comment.  They were always very encouraging.  Everyone could tell I was playing poorly.  They never laughed (at least not to my face), and they never said a mean word.  Sometimes the guys would take the time out of their day to watch me swing on the driving range.  They would offer tips and help me.  None of the guys want to play with a "hack" (someone who is a bad golfer).  They never showed any frustration when they realized I would be playing with them that day.  They always had nice words to say.  I am still amazed at how nice they have been.


The people I hung out with at school were always very nice.  My friend from Republic who was playing basketball at OC was always encouraging.  We played golf together in high school, so he knew I was capable of playing better golf than I had been.  He also introduced me to one of his friends, Matt Miller.  Matt didn't know a lot about golf, but he would ask how my golf game was coming.  Just knowing that he cared really meant a lot to me.  Matt is also a strong believer in the Lord.  I knew he was someone I could turn to when I needed prayer.  My suite mate was also great.  He enjoyed golf, and frequently asked how I was playing.  He always encouraged me when I would give him the report that I wasn't playing well.


God also provided me with great friendships through K-Life, the student ministry I am involved in.  The people at K-Life always had nice words to say.  Every Monday night at club they would ask how my golf game had been.  They knew I wasn't playing well, but they would offer an encouraging word or two that lifted my spirits.  There are two people at K-Life that I have really gotten to know well.  Tana and Jules have been unbelievably wonderful to me.  They started inviting me over to their house to hang out.  It was always nice and relaxing to be somewhere other than the golf course or my dorm room.  Whenever I would go over to their house I knew I was going to have a great time.  We would laugh and joke around.  Hanging out with them always got my mind off golf.  I was able to relax and just have a great time.  Then God really opened up my friendship with Jules.


Jules and I started meeting at a coffee shop to study.  We always brought our book bags, but we never got any studying done.  I can remember when we met for coffee for the first time that semester.  I brought my biology book to study for an upcoming test.  I think I ended up reading a page and a half over a hour and a half span.  Needless to say, we didn't get much studying done.  Instead, we would talk about life.  Jules always had the right words to say.  She knew how much I loved golf.  She always brought a smile to my face and encouraged me.  We also talked about our faith.  Jules has a heart for the Lord which is something I love.  I know I can share what the Lord is teaching me and Jules will completely understand.  I love hearing how the Lord is working in her life, and she enjoys hearing how the Lord is working in mine.  God has definitely used her to help me realize what is important in life.  Without knowing it, Jules has motivated me to become a more Godly man.  I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with my friendship with Jules.


The semester was coming to a close, and I was really enjoying my time away from golf.  I hadn't touched a club in a month and I was not upset about it.  Playing bad golf day-in and day-out mentally and physically wore on me.  I felt like I was banging my head into a brick wall for the past 16 months.  Every day I would leave the golf course frustrated and embarrassed.  The time from mid-November to the end of the semester was refreshing.  I was ready for Christmas break... Little did I know, God was about to work in MIGHTY ways.

Sophomore Year, First Semester (Fall 2010) Part 1

I traveled down to school in late August, not really wanting to go back for my sophomore year.  I didn't know a whole lot of people, and honestly, Oklahoma Christian isn't the most exciting school to attend.  I have always had a passion for major universities.  In high school, I really wanted play golf at the University of Missouri (Mizzou), or a NCAA Division I school in the South.  I love the atmosphere of campuses with 25,000+ students, and the excitement everyone has on Saturdays!  I love attending those huge sporting events where all the students are pumped because the game is going to be broadcasted on ESPN that night!  I love tailgating, and the traditions that accompany game days!  I wasn't really excited about going back to Oklahoma where every day I finished dead last on our team, and the most exciting thing was when the cafeteria would have an uncharacteristically delicious, healthy meal.


I could remember all the times I walked into the dorm with my clubs freshman year, and people in the lobby would ask, "How did it go today, Kyle?"  I would respond, "Oh, not so well."  Then they would ask, "Well what did you shoot?"   I just replied with, "(ha) Not good", hoping they would get the hint.  Some people would get the hint, but others would say, "Well what did you shoot?  77?  78?  79?"  I never wanted to tell them, because the score was usually extremely bad.  It would have been embarrassing to say, "I shot a 87."  Then they would probably think, "Wow, why is Kyle playing golf here?  I could beat him."  Somehow I always found a way to get out of not telling them my score.


Anyway, I wasn't really excited for school because there was hardly ever any excitement.  I tried to keep a positive attitude telling myself, "This year I am going to play well and have a lot of fun!"  One thing that helped, was that one of my friends from Republic decided to attend Oklahoma Christian to play basketball.  I found out a week before school that he was actually in the same dorm as me, the same floor as me, and ended up being right across the hall.  This is one of those kids who can always bring a smile to your face.  I knew I would have a great friend, and we would have a lot of fun!  This made me more excited for the semester!


We had our first golf team meeting the first or second week of school, and I could immediately tell I was going to like the new coach!  He was really nice, and I liked a lot of his coaching strategies.  After the meeting was over, I was excited and motivated to play well!


I began practicing and working on my game every day.  I was ready to travel to the tournaments and prove that I could in fact play golf.  Our first tournament was in Oklahoma City at Lincoln Park West.  The same course we played my very first day of collegiate golf qualifying.  Our coach said everyone was going to play in this tournament.  I was so excited!  I was going to play in my very first collegiate golf tournament!


We began qualifying, and my scores once again were awful.  I was consistently shooting around 82.  Sometimes it would be a few strokes lower, and sometimes it would be a few strokes higher.  My swing coach back home told me about a guy in Oklahoma City who was really good at giving lessons.  He told me I should go see him to see if he can help me with my swing.  I agreed to.


I went to the lesson, and left extremely encouraged!  I began working on what the guy was teaching me.  He told me to adjust the way I gripped the golf club.  After about a week of trying this, I wasn't any better.  If anything, I may have gotten a little worse.  In golf, changing your grip is one of the hardest things to get used to.  I was having a difficult time adjusting to this new grip.  This was mid-September, and our tournament was quickly approaching September 27th.  I knew I better get my game in shape or else I was going to completely embarrass myself at the tournament.  I kept working on my game, trying to find my swing.


I came to my lowest point a week before the tournament.  I was still trying to get used to the new way of gripping the golf club and I didn't feel comfortable with my swing.  We played Oak Tree East Course on Saturday, September 25th, two days before the tournament.  I played decent on the first 10 holes, and then it began to rain.


We made our way to hole 11.  This is where it all went downhill.  I played absolutely TERRIBLE on the next 6 holes.  I lost 5 golf balls in 6 holes.  Then we made our way to hole 17, a par three.  This is one of the most difficult par three's I have ever played.  The hole is about 185 yards, over water, and there is a sand trap to the right of the green.  In other words, there is really no room for error.  If you aren't on the green, then you are in trouble.  I took two clubs to the tee-box because I wasn't sure which club to hit.  I took my 3-hybrid, and my 2 hybrid.  There was about a 15 mph wind that was blowing in our face.  I opted to hit the 2-hybrid.


It was my turn to hit.  I placed my ball on a good piece of grass, and went through my pre-shot routine.  I aimed at the right side of the green for two reasons.  One, the wind was probably going to blow the ball back to the left toward the green, and two, I didn't want to hit the ball in the water.  I swung and the ball went flying into the air.  I hit a low fade into the wind.  The swing felt great!  As the ball was getting closer and closer to the green, I could tell there was a chance it may end up short in the water.  When the ball finally landed, I saw it splash about 3 yards short of the green.  My heart sank.  I had now just lost 6 golf balls in 7 holes, with a chance of losing more.  At this point I was fuming with anger.  I teed-up another ball.  I hit the same exact shot, a low fade.  This time I thought the ball was going to reach the green.  I was wrong.  I saw the ball splash in the water... again.


What happens next is something I'm not proud of.


I yelled out in anger at the top of my lungs, and threw my club as hard as I could into a pile of weeds to the right of the tee-box.  I picked up my 3-hybrid that was laying on the ground, and threw it straight into the ground (bad idea).  Immediately, I saw my club bend.  I knew I had just snapped the steel shaft in my 3-hybrid.  Honestly though, I didn't really care at this point.  I furiously walked back to my bag and pulled out another ball.  I walked back toward the tee-box, but had to march into the weeds to get my other club.  I picked up my club in the weeds, and stomped to the tee-box.  I carelessly dropped my ball on the tee-box and immediately swung as hard as I could.  I looked up and saw the ball heading toward the same exact spot.  This time, by the grace of God, the ball cleared the water by 2 yards and landed on the green. I bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to gather myself with what just happened.  As I began to cool off, I walked over to my other club that lay bent on the ground.  When I went to pick the club up, the steel shaft completely broke.  I picked up the two parts of the club, and quietly walked back to my bag.


The two guys I was playing with were completely quiet and in shock.  One of them is from Argentina and the other is from Norway.  They didn't say a word.  They couldn't believe I had just snapped my club, and honestly, I couldn't either.  Controlling my temper on the course is always something I have been exceptionally good at.  When I was little (8 years old) my mom would pull me off the course if I threw a club.  I was taught at a young age to respect the game and control my temper.  I have always done a great job of that.


The guys on the team know I control my anger on the course really well.  I had played poorly the past year, and not once did I show any anger.  All my poor play over the past year had just boiled to that point.  I had never released any frustration, and it came out on that one hole.  I was lucky my bag wasn't close to the tee-box, because if it was,  I probably would have thrown it in the water... seriously.  It's hard to express how mad I was that day.  I think I ended up shooting a 96.


I finished my round and began to put my clubs in the car.  As I sat there in the parking lot putting my things away, I broke down crying.  Golf confused me.  I played so well in high school, and now I'm in college and playing worse than I ever have.  I was also mad at myself for letting my anger get the best of me.  I know better than to lose my temper, and I let my guard down on that one hole.  I was disappointed with myself.


Coach came over to talk to me.  I tried to hold back the tears, but they just kept coming.  Coach asked if I would still like to play in the tournament on Monday.  I said I definitely wanted to play.  I thought it might motivate me to play better golf.  He gave me some words of encouragement and told me he would see me Monday at the tournament.  I finished putting my things in the car and drove back to campus.


That night I told my mom what happened.  She wasn't angry or mad that I broke my club.  She just felt bad.  My parents know how frustrated I have been.  They have heard all the stories about how poorly I have played.  Every day they ask how I played that day, and every time I say, "Not good."  They have been frustrated too.  It doesn't make sense that my game would just, "poof", disappear.  My mom also gave me some words of encouragement, and told me she and my dad would be praying for me.


I took my broken golf club to Golf Galaxy where they fixed it within 24 hours; just in time for the tournament on Monday.


It was time to play in the tournament.  September 27th was here, and I was just hoping not to embarrass myself.  I hardly had any confidence, but was hoping the tournament would motivate me.  We played 36 holes on Monday.  I played 27 bad holes, and 9 decent holes.  My parents came down to watch.  When they got to the course, the first shot they saw me hit was me hacking the ball out of some thick weeds.  I was hitting the ball everywhere.  Sometimes I would hit the ball way left, and sometimes I would hit the ball way right.  I rarely hit the ball down the middle of the fairway.  We played 18 more holes on the 28th.  I played even worse the second day.  My scores for this tournament were absolutely awful.  They were scores that reflected how bad I was playing.  I shot 84, 77, 87.  I placed 85th out of 87 golfers.  Third to last place.


At this point I was burnt out.  I wasn't burnt out on golf, but burnt out on playing bad golf.  I was sick of playing terrible every day.  Golf was not fun anymore.  Every time I played I ended up playing terrible.  I had now been in a slump for the past 13 months, and was mentally and physically exhausted.

Summer 2010

Warning: Another long blog post.  I promise they will get shorter soon.  Just trying to catch-up from the past 18 months.  I hope you enjoy the post!

The summer of 2010 was a summer of firsts for me.

I just finished my redshirt (freshman) year of school, and was determined to improve my golf game.  I did not want my redshirt freshman (sophomore) year of school to be a repeat of the previous year.  I started practicing every day trying to improve all parts of my golf game.  I had my first qualifier of the summer in May.  I was hoping my two weeks of hard work would pay off.

I traveled to St. Louis excited and not really sure what to expect.  I got to the course and started warming-up.  I made my way to the first tee where I met a former Mizzou golfer.  He asked if I would like to join him for the practice round and I said, "sure!"

We teed-off, and I could immediately tell he was a really nice guy!  (There are a lot of golfers who aren't the most fun to be around while on the course)  We started talking and after a few holes I could tell he was a solid Christian.  We talked about golf, life, and faith.  I quickly realized he was a really good golfer too.  A LOT better than me!  We kept talking and I told him about my freshman year of golf.  I didn't go into a lot of detail, but he could tell I didn't have a great year.  He gave me some great tips and encouragement.  We finished our practice round and wished each other "best of luck" for the qualifier the next day.  Playing the practice round with him really calmed my nerves.

I came to the course on the day of the qualifier with a great attitude!  I was excited and ready to play!  It rained quite a bit over-night, which made the long course even longer.  I don't hit the ball real far, so I knew I would have to rely on my short game if I wanted to be one of the guys who qualified.  I began my round with a great start!  I hit my first shot down the middle of the fairway and hit my next shot to about 25 feet of the hole.  I made my putt for birdie, so I was 1-under par after my first hole.  I was doing great!  I played my next few holes okay... and then it began to rain.

We were allowed caddies for this qualifier, but it was only an 18 hole qualifier so I figured I would be okay.  It turned out a caddy would have helped a lot!  The rain began to fall and so did my golf game.  I was having a difficult time getting yardages, staying dry, and keeping my clubs dry as well.  The grips on my golf clubs got wet really fast which made it difficult to swing.  It's not fun swinging a golf club and having the thought, "Oh boy, I hope the club doesn't go flying out of my hands."  I started hitting the ball everywhere.  I would hit it left, right, in the water, in the sand, and in the trees.  You could say I got my monies worth.  I saw every part of the course there was to see.  Needless to say, I failed to qualify for the tournament.  I think I shot 87.  A score that seemed rather normal for the past nine months.

I drove home trying to stay positive.  If there was one thing I learned from this qualifier, it was that I needed to play better in bad conditions.  The next week there was a day when it started to rain.  I put on my rain gear and went to the course to practice.  I knew if I wanted to be a good golfer, I would have to be able to play well in all conditions.

The summer continued and I kept practicing.  I played in another qualifier in St. Louis a few weeks later.  This time, instead of 80 guys playing for 3 spots, there were about 50 guys playing for 25 spots.  I knew I had a decent chance of qualifying.  I had learned my lesson; for this qualifier I had a caddy.  I asked my cousin if he would like to caddy and he agreed.  I kind of struggled the whole day, but kept a positive attitude.  I continued to keep my focus and played hard.  I came in with a score around 79, I think.  Not a great score, but better than the last qualifier.  I was in a playoff with I believe, five other guys.  There were six of us playing for four spots.  The playoff ended on the second hole.  I was fortunate enough to be one of the four that qualified.  I was very excited!  I just qualified for my first non-junior tournament, the Missouri Match Play Championship.  To celebrate, me and my cousin went to the closest gas station and got a couple 44 ounce drinks for one dollar (we're big spenders).  I drove home pumped that my golf game was improving!

This is where the "Summer of Firsts" begins.

It was time to play in the Missouri Match Play Championship at Twin Oaks Country Club in Springfield, Missouri.  I played my practice round with a couple buddies who knew the course really well.  They gave me some great tips on where to hit the ball and where not to hit the ball.  I was thinking to myself, "Gee, I just want to hit the fairway."  I didn't hit the ball that well in the practice round which really concerned me.  The name of the golf course is pretty deceiving.  It shouldn't be called "Twin Oaks," it should be called "Thousand Oaks."  There are so many trees on this course.  If you miss the fairway, you are definitely trapped by a gazillion oak trees.  I knew I would have to hit the ball a lot straighter if I wanted to play well.

The first day of the tournament came, and I was ready to play.  I was thinking positive, and had in mind I was going to play well.  My dad was nice enough to skip work in the morning and come watch me play.  I absolutely love it when my parents are able to watch me play.  It reminds me of all the junior golf days when they drove me around the Midwest, trying to help me earn the chance to get a golf scholarship for college.  Anyway, it was time for me to tee-off.  I parred my first hole and was off to a great start!  The next hole was a par three that was about 200 yards.  I pulled out my 3 hybrid club.  I swung, and the ball went waayyyyy left!  I missed the green about 40 yards left.  A terrible shot.  After my round, my dad said he didn't even see where the ball landed because it was so far left.  The rest of the round didn't go so great. Once again, I was hitting the ball everywhere.  I finished my round with a score of 79.

This is where the story becomes entertaining.

I walked to the scoring tent to sign my scorecard to verify that I shot 79.  In golf, you trade scorecards with the other players to make sure no one tries to cheat.  There were three of us in the group that day, so we all kept someone else's scorecard.  I got my card from the kid who kept my score, and checked over the scores to make sure he had them written correctly.  As I was checking over each hole to make sure the score was correct, someone said something behind me and I turned around.  When I turned back around to check my scorecard, I failed to check over the last few holes.  I signed my scorecard real quick to verify that it was correct, and I went to go eat with my dad and caddy.  After I ate, I went to the driving range to practice, and my dad went back to work.  Later that day, as I was driving home, my dad called me.  He said he was checking the scores of the tournament online and they had my score as a 78.  I knew I shot a 79, so I began to worry.  My dad told me the scores online showed that I got a 4 on the 18th hole.  I knew I actually had a 5.  I was hoping it was just a typo when the tournament staff entered the scores into the computer.  I called the tournament director and he said he would find my scorecard and call me back.  I was hoping it was just a typo.

He called me back about 15 minutes later.  I asked him to see what my scorecard said for hole 18.  He looked at the scorecard and told me there was a 4 written on the card.  My heart sank.  I knew I had just been disqualified from the tournament.  In golf, if you sign the scorecard for a score lower than you actually shoot, you are disqualified.  This was the first time I had ever been disqualified from a tournament.  I was so mad at myself!  I couldn't believe I had done something soooooo stupid!  All I had to do was focus when checking over my scorecard and I would have noticed there was a 4 written down for hole 18 instead of a 5.  Instead, I just kind of glanced over the scores without paying much attention to each score, and it ended up costing me big time.  People would look at the scoreboard and see a "DQ" next to my name.  I'm not sure if there is anything more embarrassing in golf than seeing a "DQ" next to your name.  I was so mad that I had just wasted all that money to play in a tournament that I didn't even get to finish.  My dad joked with me and said, "Well Kyle, it's a good thing you're an accounting major."  That made me laugh.


This was the first time I had ever been disqualified from a tournament... and hopefully the last time.

The summer continued and so did my poor play.  I struggled to break 80.  When I was in high school, I was breaking 80 every day.  My game had definitely taken a step back.  I continued to practice and tried to stay positive.  I kept quoting James 1:2-4 in my head.  I kept telling myself that God was just teaching me a lesson in perseverance.  So, I continued to persevere.

I signed up for the Missouri Stroke Play Championship in St. Louis.  Mid-July came around, and it was time to play in the tournament.

On the first day of the tournament I didn't play very well (surprise, surprise).  I knew if I played well the second day I would have a chance to play the third day.  There were about 156 golfers, and after the first two rounds the field gets cut down to the top 60 scores.  Those 60 golfers play another 36 holes on the third day.  I was hoping I could play well enough the second day to get into the top 60.  I was playing alright the second day.  Whenever I hit a bad shot, I just tried to hit a good recovery shot and minimize the damage.  Our group had about 6 holes left when we came to a par three.  I stepped onto the tee-box with confidence because I just birdied the previous hole.  The hole was about 210 yards, and about 60 yards downhill.  I pulled my 3 hybrid club from my bag (the same club I hit on the par three at Twin Oaks).  I set-up to the ball and was ready to hit.  I swung the club and sent the ball flying through the air.  When I looked up, I noticed the ball was not heading toward the green.  Instead, the ball was flying 50 yards left toward the next tee-box.  I noticed one of the guys in the group in front of us was standing on the tee-box.  I yelled, "FOOORRRREEEEEEE!!!!"

The course we were playing was next to the Lambert-St. Louis International Airport and next to the interstate.

When the ball landed, I saw a guy run out to the right.  I thought, "Phewww, he dodged it!"  I was wrong.

After I put my club in my bag I saw a golf cart driving toward me.  I was about to find out one of the guys had a few words for me.  A guy drove up and said, "I'm going to try and say this as nice as possible, but next time you hit a ball at someone (explicit) yell fore!  You just nailed that guy in the nuts!"  I was rattled.  I said, "Sorry sir, I didn't mean to hit it at him.  I did yell fore though.  I'm so sorry.  I guess you didn't hear it because of the planes and the cars."  The guy calmed down a little bit and drove away.  I drove my cart down the hill and went over to apologize to the guy I just hit.  I went up to him and said, "Sir, I am sooooo sorry!  I feel terrible!  Where did it hit you?" (I was hoping and praying that I missed his manhood.  All I thought was "WOW, I just ruined this guys chance to have kids.")  The man replied by saying, "Don't worry about it.  It hit me on the thigh.  I'm alright."  This was a huge relief to me.  My golf ball missed his manhood by about 2 inches.  Thank you, Lord!  The man said, "It's alright.  This is actually the second time I've been hit today.  Hit your next shot close and get a par."  The man's dad was watching him play and said, "Yeah, he's been hit twice today and it's his birthday."  I was trying with everything I had not to laugh.  How unlucky is that?!  This guy got hit with a golf ball twice in one day... and it was his birthday!  I couldn't believe it.


The man drove off and I tried to refocus to hit my next shot.

Needless to say, I played terrible the rest of the round.  I think I played the last 6 holes at 8-over par.  That's some really bad golf.  I felt terrible for the guy I hit, but I couldn't stop laughing to myself that he was hit twice in one day.  It is extremely rare for someone to get hit by a golf ball.  I was rattled that I had just hit someone for the first time in my life.  I finished my round, checked over my scorecard VERY closely, and signed the card after I was SURE it was correct.  I failed to place in the top 60, so the tournament was over for me.  The next day I drove home.

I played a couple more tournaments the remainder of the summer, but didn't play very well.  Sometimes I would shoot 85, and sometimes I would have "flashes of greatness" and shoot 71.  I never knew how I would play day-to-day.  Golf began to get extremely frustrating.  I was still questioning God, saying, "What have I done to deserve this?  Are you seeing how frustrated I am?"  I continued to pray and trust God; knowing He had a plan for my life.

It was mid-August, and I had been in a slump for the past year.  School was quickly approaching and I had definitely not improved over the past four months.  My summer was highlighted by being disqualified from a tournament, and hitting a guy on accident with my golf ball.  I tried to keep a positive attitude and tell myself that my golf game would return soon.  I honestly was not excited at all to head back to school.  I was disappointed because my coach at school resigned earlier in the summer to help a friend with his new business.  I really liked my coach.  He was always very encouraging to me.  I wasn't sure what to expect with the new coach that was hired.

After a couple weeks of practice, it was time to head back to Oklahoma for my redshirt freshman (sophomore) year of school.  Maybe, just maybe, my game would return in the fall!

Freshman Year, Second Semester (Spring 2010)

Warning: This post is rather lengthy.  However, it shouldn't take that long to read... Enjoy

I practiced my golf game as much as I could during Christmas break.  Sometimes weather did not allow me to play.  On days that were decent (decent is any temperature at 40 degrees or above.  If it's not windy, decent could qualify as 35 degrees and above) I would work on my short game (chipping and putting) and play as many holes as I could before the sun started to set.  Christmas break allowed me to refocus, regroup, and work on my game.  By the time I had to go back to school, I was ready for the second semester!

When we started practice for the second semester, I was playing a lot better than I had first semester.  My scores were actually normal and I was competing with the guys on the team.  My coach watched me play a couple times, and he said my game looked a lot better!  I was ready for qualifying!  Or at least I thought I was.

We started qualifying for our first tournament and everything fell apart.  I completely fell back to where I was first semester.  I had zero confidence on the course and shots were going everywhere.  Sometimes I would hook the ball out of bounds, and other times I would slice the ball into the water.  Wherever there was out of bounds, water, or sand, my ball was usually there.  I was hoping this poor play was just a temporary thing, but it definitely was not.

As we continued to qualify day after day, my scores continued to climb higher and higher.  I can remember one of our qualifying rounds at Quail Creek Golf and Country Club.  I played terrible on the front nine; something I did quite often at Quail Creek.  I made my way to the back nine hoping I would be able to salvage my round.  I came to hole 12, a par 3 over water.  The hole was about 175 yards into a strong wind.  I pulled out my 3 hybrid club.  I accidentally hit a high fade into the wind which is THE WORST shot I could have hit in this situation.  The ball failed to make it to the green and ended up splashing in the water.  I pulled another ball from my bag and dropped it on the tee-box about 8 yards in front of where I was.  Now I was hitting my 3rd shot.  Once again, I hit a bad shot and the ball landed in the water.  Now I was hitting my 5th shot from the tee-box.  I hit a low 4 iron right of the green.  I was just happy this ball did not find the pond.  On my 6th shot I chipped the ball a little too hard and it ended up rolling into the water.  Now I had to drop ANOTHER ball and hit my 8th shot.  I chipped it to 6 feet, and ended up making my putt for a 9.  I just got a 9 on a PAR 3!!!  I was embarrassed and mad.  I think I escaped that day with a final score of 93.

What made all of this worse was that some of the guys did not seem to be affected by the wind or the fact we were playing a tough course.  On that same day I shot a 93, I think one of the guys on our team shot a one-over par, 73.  A 73 on a day that windy was absolutely ridiculous.  The wind was blowing about 30 mph all day.  I felt like I was playing against PGA Tour pro's.

After posting plenty of rounds with scores in the 80's and sometimes 90's, I talked with my coach and we both decided it would be a REALLY good idea for me to redshirt.  For any of you who do not know, when you redshirt, you keep a year of playing eligibility.  So, instead of wasting a year, I still had four years of eligibility after my freshman year of college.  In other words, I was put on the 5-year plan.

I spent the rest of my semester working on my game and trying to get out of the slump I had been in for the last 6 months.  I spent plenty of time working on all parts of my game.  Every part of my golf game was absolutely terrible.  I couldn't drive the ball straight, I couldn't hit my irons very well, my chipping was bad, and I couldn't putt well either.  I had A LOT of work to do.

One of the reasons I am here at Oklahoma Christian is because one guy took the time to talk with me and introduce me to the coach at Oklahoma Christian.  Coach Mike McGraw from Oklahoma State took me under his wing and kind of became a mentor to me.  In the Spring I started going to his house about once a month for a Bible study.  One night there was a Bible study scheduled, but everyone backed out at the last minute for different reasons.  Coach McGraw told me there would be no Bible study, but asked if I would like to come up for dinner.  I happily agreed.

I went to Stillwater where I met Coach at his house.  We drove to Hideaway Pizza were we sat down for dinner.  Coach McGraw asked me how things were, so I decided to pour out my heart to him.  I told him everything.  I told him how I had completely lost all parts of my game.  Every time I went to play a round of golf, I would walk off the 18th green discouraged and embarrassed.  I told him how I had been shooting in the 80's and 90's and had zero confidence.  Coach McGraw just listened.  When I had finished telling him everything, he had some very encouraging words for me.

Coach McGraw told me about one of his former players.  He said that one of the guys who used to play for Oklahoma State went through a slump in college too.  His scores were often in the 60's... for nine holes.  I sat there in amazement!  I couldn't believe one of the former players for OSU used to shoot in the 60's for nine holes!  This in itself was encouraging.  I continued to listen.

Coach McGraw told me this kid just continued to practice and tried to improve each day.  The next school year, the kid was out of his slump and playing the best golf of his entire life.  He went on to lead Oklahoma State to a National Championship in 2006.  This story gave me hope.  Coach told me something even more encouraging though.

He told me he had a conversation with this kid after they won the National Championship.  Coach McGraw asked him what was going through his head during the time when he wasn't playing very well.  The kid replied by saying that was probably the best thing that happened to him.  He said it was during this time he realized that if golf was taken away from him, he would be alright.  He realized golf is not the only thing that mattered in life.  He said he still had his health, his family that loved him, his friends, and most importantly, his faith.

This is what brought me the most encouragement.  It was during this time I realized golf is not what defines Kyle Knierim.  The scores I shoot, whether good or bad, are not what makes me who I am.  I still have my family, I still have my friends, I am still in good health, and most importantly, I still have Christ who loves me more than I could ever imagine.

We drove back to Coach's house where I thanked him for taking the time to invest in my life.  Not too many people, especially NCAA Division I college coaches, would take the time to sincerely care for a struggling NAIA golfer.  I left Stillwater that night with a new attitude.

I know you all may be expecting some sort of miracle story here, but that's not the case.  It's not like I started playing unbelievably great golf after speaking with Coach McGraw.  My scores continued to consistently be in the lower 80's with the occasional round in the 70's or the occasional round in the 90's.  I was still playing terrible golf during the Spring of my freshman year.

Many things brought me comfort during the Spring of 2010.  Every night on the phone, my parents would encourage me.  They told me to keep my head up and keep practicing hard because eventually it would pay off.  They were always praying for me which brought me great comfort.

Many songs brought me comfort too.  Every time I went to church, the songs we sang during worship seemed to hit me exactly where I was.  I was often brought to tears with the comfort I received with each song.  A few of my favorites were "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman, "Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt Redman, "No Sweeter Name" by Gateway Worship, and "Revelation Song" by Gateway Worship.  Each song seemed to be telling me to hold on; there ARE greater days ahead.  If we hold on to Jesus, everything will turn out okay.  I always left church with hope and peace.

There were also a few verses that brought me a lot of comfort.  James 1:2-4 was, and is, one of my favorites.  It says this, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I felt like the past two semesters had been a testing of my faith.  I was at Oklahoma Christian University to play golf, and every time I stepped on the course I was completely embarrassed.  I felt like God was saying, "Will you still follow me if I take away something that means soooo much to you?"  I continued to persevere hoping my game would soon return.

Once school ended the last week of April, I drove back home to Missouri where I was determined to improve my golf game over the next four months.  I was not about to let my sophomore year be a repeat of my freshman year.  I was going to fix my golf game!

Freshman Year, First Semester (Fall 2009)

Well, I guess I will start all the way back at the beginning of my freshman year of college (a year and a half ago, August 2009).  Wow, hard to believe that was a year and a half ago.  Time really does fly by!  Anyway, I came to Oklahoma Christian University to play golf.  How I ended up at Oklahoma Christian (OC) is another story for possibly another time.  Let's just say God's hand was definitely at work.  One of those "God Things."  So I came to OC to play golf.  We started qualifying for our first tournament about the second week of September.  Our first day of qualifying was in Oklahoma City at a course called Lincoln Park and we were playing the West Course (Two 18 hole courses: the East Course and the West Course).  I played alright, but not great.  I shot a 75 on a par 71 course.  I was four-over par which is not great, but not bad for my first day of collegiate golf qualifying.


I was in the first group to tee-off that day, so I waited for everyone else to come in.  As the other groups came in, everyone would ask each other how everyone else did.  I continued to hear scores that absolutely blew my mind.  After all the scores came in, my heart kinda sank.  I realized I had just done the worst out of everyone on the team.  There were 9 guys qualifying, and I was 9th out of 9.  I thought this would only be a one time thing, but I was wrong.  BIG TIME WRONG!


The scores that came in went like this: 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 71, 72, 73, and good ole Kyle sitting dead last at 75.  I honestly couldn't believe it.  I was shocked, upset, and confused all at the same time.  Our team just shot an unbelievable score.  I had never competed against guys that shot that low.  I quickly realized that the competition at Oklahoma Christian definitely isn't something to laugh about.  Every single guy on the team could have EASILY played for a NCAA Division I school.  I slowly walked from the 18th green to my car in disbelief.  Had I really just placed dead last in the first day of qualifying?  I had never been last when it came to golf.  This was unfamiliar territory for me, but soon became very familiar territory.


As I finished putting my clubs in the car, I actually began to cry a little.  (A little secret about Kyle, if you didn't know, I would consider myself an emotional guy.  I'll be honest, I cry.  Is it a sign of weakness, no I don't think so.  It just shows that I am a very passionate person.  My grandpa cries during movies sometimes and he fought in World War II.  I have definitely been known to cry during movies.  Ask my sister.  The movie "Marley and Me", wow I definitely cried during that one.  I had to get the tissues for my sister and me)  Anyway, back on track.  I sat in my car rattled by what just happened.  I thought, "There is no way I can compete against these guys."  I made the golden mistake right there.  Instead of toughening up, I pretty much conceded.  Not good.  I talked with my parents after my round like I always do, and they really couldn't believe it either.  For the top 5 guys on the team to shoot a combined 25 under is ridiculous.  Non of us could believe it.


So as I drove back to the dorm, my parents gave me a little pep talk and encouraged me.  After talking with them, I was ready for the next day of qualifying.


I honestly don't remember individually, the rest of the qualifying rounds that semester.  They all blurred together.  I think this is what happened though.  The next few qualifying rounds (rounds 2 and 3) I think I played some mediocre, to less than mediocre rounds of golf.  I probably shot somewhere around 76-79.  Once again, I finished 9th out of 9 in these qualifying rounds.  As I continued to place dead last each day, my confidence continued to go down hill... and fast!  Before I knew it, my scores were crawling into the upper 80's and sometimes lower 90's.


By late October, I had lost most, if not all confidence.  The whole fall was a complete repetition.  I showed up to the course, hit a few range balls, went and played 9 or 18 holes, and came in to see that I was 9th out of 9.  This happened day in and day out.  Every day I would talk to my parents and they would say, "Well, how did it go today?"  They always had that excitement in their voice like maybe, just maybe today would be the day that Kyle started playing normal golf.  But, every day my reply was, "Well, not very good."  They continued to encourage me, pray with me over the phone, and tell me it would all work out.


There was a few days that I didn't place dead last.  Sometimes I would place 8th out of 9 and sometimes I would even shoot a score where I was 5th out of 9, but I never could play that way consistently.  This is how our conversations went when I did beat somebody.  Parents: "Well, how did it go today?" Me: "Alright, I shot 75.  I beat so and so."  Parents: "OH good!!!  Great job Kyle!  See, you're beating people!"  Me: "Mom and dad, I shot a 75, so and so shot a 76.  I only beat him by one shot.  There's still 7 guys that beat me. lol" Parents: "Well, it's an improvement!  You didn't get last today!"


I don't say that to make fun of me or my parents.  I say that to show how bad my golf had become.  It was considered a successful day if I didn't place last.  This is also where I went wrong.  I was comparing my golf game to everyone else's golf game.  I wasn't trying to play Kyle's game, I was trying to play everyone else's game.  In golf you can't do that.  You have to stay focused on only what you can do.  You can't get distracted by what others do.


Anyway, to wrap it up, the fall of 2009 was a TERRIBLE semester of golf.  I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I didn't get last.  It was not like I wasn't trying, I was probably practicing harder than anyone on the team.  It didn't make sense.  The whole time I was kinda questioning God saying, "Okay, where are you?  I do all the right things.  I go to church on Sundays, I go to the Sunday night small group, I go to the Wednesday night Bible study, and I volunteer for K-Life (a ministry for middle schoolers and high schoolers... I'll talk more about K-Life as time progresses)."  I felt like God owed me something.  It didn't seem fair that I was doing everything a Christian kid should do, but wasn't being rewarded for it.  Week after week I questioned where God was.  I had no clue what He was trying to show me.


Christmas break rolled around, and boy was I ready.  I was determined to fix the golf game and show the guys on the team that I was actually worthy of playing for Oklahoma Christian University.  God had other plans.

Giving This a Try

Well, here we go.  After much thought, consideration, and polling on facebook and twitter, I have decided to start "blogging."  I don't really know if guys blog, but I am going to give it a try.  I never thought blogging would be my thing, but it seems kinda fun.  


I first got the idea to blog about a month ago.  As I was having my quiet time, I thought, "Goodness, I would love to share with others what I am learning."  I gave blogging some consideration, but kinda shrugged it off.  As I continued to have my quiet time day after day, I kept thinking, "Goodness, I would love to share with others what I am learning."  So, after about a month of thinking about it, I have decided to blog.


I am mostly going to use this blog to share what the Lord has been teaching me.  Yes, I will include other things as well, but my hope is that you will be encouraged with what you find here.  The Lord has definitely been working in my life the past year and a half.  There have been plenty of times where I have wondered where God is, or what He is doing, but every time I begin to wonder, the Holy Spirit speaks into my life and gives me a peace.  A peace knowing God is in control.


Today, I took the time to watch a YouTube video one of my accounting professors recommended.  About three weeks ago I had the chance to talk to Professor Cady (the accounting professor) about what the Holy Spirit has been teaching me.  He recommended I watch the YouTube video, "Lukewarm and Loving It!" by Francis Chan.  Today I finally took the time to watch it.  One of the things I liked most was near the end when Francis Chan was praying.  In his prayer he said, "Lord, I ask for your discipline.  I never enjoy it.  I'm always thankful afterward."


This is how I have felt lately.  I feel like God is molding me and shaping me into the man he wants me to be.  It hasn't necessarily been the most exciting year and a half, and it hasn't been the most fun year and a half, but it has definitely been the most beneficial year and a half.


As I begin to add more blog posts, I will explain what all has transpired over the last year and a half that has had such a huge impact on my life.


I do want to clarify something on this first post.  My intention for this blog is NOT to bring glory or praise to myself.  I repeat, my intention for this blog is NOT to bring glory or praise to myself.  I am not posting stuff for people to say, "Oh wow, look how "holy" Kyle is."  I am not trying to boast about how God is working.  I simply want to share what God has been teaching me.  I know if what I have been learning has had such a huge impact on my life, then there is a really good chance it could have a huge impact on someone else's life as well.


In 2 Corinthians 1, verses 3-4, Paul says this, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."


My hope and prayer is that someone, at least one person, will benefit from reading this blog.  I simply want to encourage others.


With all that being said, I hope you all enjoy the blog.  As all the foreigners on the golf team say, "Cheers!"