Christmas Break 2010-2011 Part 1

Christmas Break couldn't have started off any better.  I went to Dallas for a College Golf Fellowship (CGF) Retreat at Ben Crane's house.  College Golf Fellowship is a Christian ministry for college golfers.  They have summer and winter retreats, and they also have Bible studies at college golf tournaments throughout the school year.


The day before the retreat, I was able to hang out with Jules for the afternoon.  She showed me around Dallas, and later that evening we met some friends for sushi.  After dinner, my buddy Kevin Kring and I went to Brad Payne's house to spend the night.  Brad Payne is on staff with CGF.


The next morning we woke up, got some breakfast, and went to Vaquero to play golf.  When Kevin and I arrived at the driving range, we saw K.J. Choi giving lessons to some kids.  It was pretty cool to see a professional golfer giving lessons.  Anyway, we warmed-up on the range, and then headed for the first tee.


We played the front nine, and then made our way to the back nine.  As we were playing hole 12, I noticed a golf cart flying down the fairway.  As the cart got closer, we realized it was Ben Crane.  Ben dropped a ball in the fairway and asked, "Is it okay if I play a few holes with you guys?"  Obviously, no one in our group had a problem with Ben playing a few holes with us.  I immediately got nervous and excited.  I realized that I was going to have to hit golf shots in front of a PGA golfer.  I immediately thought to myself, "Oh gosh, I hope I don't shank one."


We made our way down the fairway to where my ball was.  I was about 180 yards out and pulled out my 4 iron.  I took a few practice swings, and set-up to the ball.  I don't think Ben could tell, but I was definitely shaking from being so nervous.  I had never hit a golf shot in front of someone who had won a PGA Tour event.  As soon as I hit the ball, I knew the shot wasn't going to be good.  When I looked up, I saw the ball helplessly fly through the air and land about 30 yards short of the green.  When I swung, I hit the ground before I hit the ball; a shot golfers call hitting it "fat."  This was pretty embarrassing.  However, I wasn't too worried about it.  I knew Ben was a nice guy, and I knew he wasn't going to make fun of me or laugh.  I'm sure he sees a lot of bad shots when he plays with nervous amateurs.  We finished playing hole 12, and then made our way to hole 13.  Ben hit a perfect drive, and then hit his next shot to about 3 feet of the hole.  He then made his putt for birdie.  Simple as that.  I hit a drive into the left rough, and then hit my next shot on the green.  I had a long, uphill putt for birdie.  I hit my first putt short of the hole by about 10 feet.  My next putt was still uphill, and had about 2 feet of break.  I took a few practice strokes, and then hit the putt.  I watched the putt roll up the hill, and break to the right, right into the center of the cup.  I then heard Ben say, "Nice putt."  I was pretty happy.  Ben Crane, the 2010 Farmers Insurance Open Champion, and the 2010 CIMB Asia Pacific Classic Champion, just told me, "Nice putt."  That made my day.  He did beat me on the hole, he birdied and I parred, but at least I played respectable golf on hole 13.  After that hole, he drove off to play with other college golfers.


We finished the rest of our round, and then drove to the Crane's house for dinner and the first session of our Bible study.


After we finished dinner, 80 college golfers gathered in the living room and kitchen of the Crane's to listen to the guest speaker.  Brad Payne introduced the guest speaker, Matt Chandler.  I had no clue who Matt Chandler was, but quickly found out.  Matt Chandler pastors a church in Flower Mound, Texas, called The Village Church.  He started speaking and I was quickly amazed and challenged.


I went to the CGF retreat the previous year and failed to bring a notebook to take notes.  This year, I did not make the same mistake.  As soon as Matt Chandler started speaking, I quickly took notes.  Chandler was incredible!  He challenged us, encouraged us, and preached the truth.  Friday night, December 17th, he spoke about how we (humans) fail to measure up to God's glory.  He said we want God's stuff, but we don't want God.  We think we are smarter than God.  He also said we fail to acknowledge God.  He said everything we have on earth was designed for us (humans) by God, for God's glory!


After Matt Chandler spoke, we all branched-off into our small groups to discuss what Chandler spoke about.  After our small groups, we had some time to hang out and play ping-pong.  Shortly after that, we all went to bed.  Fifty college golfers stayed at Ben Crane's house, and the other 30 college golfers were at other houses around the neighborhood.


The next day we woke up and listened to Chandler speak again.  This time, he spoke about how we can't go through life on our own.  We need the help of Christ to make it to Heaven.  He gave a great illustration too.  He told us to picture a young child who is learning to walk.  The child takes a few steps, and then falls.  The parents then cheer.  The parents don't cheer because the child fell, the parents cheer because the child was walking.


This is how our walk with Christ is when we are infants in Him.  We are the children, and God is the parent.  Once we start walking (living for Christ), there will be times where we will fall.  God doesn't get frustrated and angry with us.  He knows we are trying.  He is in Heaven cheering even though we fell down.


I think this is an awesome illustration!  There are so many new believers who come to know Christ and say they will never go back to the sin they once lived in.  A few months after committing their lives to Christ, they mess up and find themselves committing that same sin they said they would never commit again.  God doesn't get frustrated though.  He understands they are trying.  He is there to help them back up just like a parent helps their little kid back up.


Chandler said we aren't going to follow God by trying harder.  We are going to follow God by walking with God.


That evening, Ben and Heather Crane spoke about their lives and their relationship.  Heather gave some great advice about relationships.  She said don't date to date, date to marry.  She said find someone who makes you better.  She and Ben also gave a key point to relationships, they said, "Don't be prideful."  Learning from Ben and Heather Crane is great!  First, they both have a solid relationship with the Lord.  Their first focus isn't each other, but rather Christ.  They always put God first and look to serve Him.  They have so much love for each other, and have two great kids.  Their home is so peaceful and filled with joy because they keep Christ first in their lives.  After Ben and Heather spoke, Matt Chandler spoke for the final session.


Chandler began his Saturday night talk with this, "If you put anything primary before God, you will be unsatisfied."  I am going to write out the rest of the notes I put in my notebook because I think it is so important what Matt Chandler said...

• Galatians 2:20
• If you say, "I can do whatever I want because Jesus will forgive me" you are not saved.
• (Chandler's) Fear: You know about God, but you don't know God.
• Colossians 3:1
• Are you a partaker of Jesus Christ?
• If you do not have a desire to know God, you are not a Christian.
• Colossians 3:1-2 "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
• When you become aware of your mortality, you view God and life differently.
• -Stories of young people passing away
• Fill your life with the things that stir your affections for Jesus Christ.
• Spiritual formation begins when you throw those positive logs on the spiritual fire.
• What you love, you can read about.
• I'm going to know, follow, and worship Jesus Christ.
• Surround your life with the things that fuel your spiritual fire.
• *Side note- Relationship advice: Find someone who you are intimately in love with. (Soul to Soul)
• Focus on following Christ, not avoiding sinful things. (Focus on the positive)
• Don't be the guy who goes to church, but lives a secret life.
• Be a guy who lives his whole life for Jesus Christ.
• Be a Godly man.

After Matt Chandler spoke, we got into our small groups again to discuss what he talked about.  After small groups, we went to the kitchen to have dessert, and then we went back into the living room and listened to Martin Piller, Ben Crane, and Paul Stankowski talk about faith and golf.


As Ben Crane was talking, he said some things that really stood out to me.  He said we need to run toward Christ.  He also said we need to pray, spend time in the Word, and spend time in worship.  Everything else will fall into place.  The last thing Ben said was that there's nothing better than walking with the Lord and sharing the Lord with others.


Sunday morning we all got up and went to The Village Church.  After a great service and listening to Matt Chandler preach, we went to play whirlyball in Plano, Texas.  After whirlyball, Kevin and I drove back home to Missouri for Christmas break.


The College Golf Fellowship Retreat was absolutely incredible!  It was amazing to listen to Matt Chandler speak about what it means to be a Christian.  He spoke the truth and presented the Gospel to 80 college golfers.  I learned so much from listening to him, listening to others, and discussing everything in my small group.


Now that the CGF Retreat was over, I was ready to spend Christmas with my family.


We celebrated Christmas as a family, and then we celebrated Christmas with our extended family.  It was so good to see everyone!  Christmas break was going great!  I had two weeks of complete relaxation and hanging out with family.  I honestly didn't know how it could get any better.


I signed up in the fall for a conference in Atlanta, Georgia, called the Passion Conference.  My friend, Travis Hartley, is the one who told me about Passion.  In September, he asked if Stephen (another friend) and I would go with him.  I told him I would think and pray about it.  After looking at the website (268generation.com) I knew this would be something I wouldn't want to miss.  Stephen, Travis, and I signed up for the conference in late fall.


December 30th came and it was time to pack for the Passion Conference.  I packed for the 4-day conference which was scheduled for January 1-4, 2011.  Of course, I do a great job of procrastinating, so I didn't get fully packed until about 1 a.m., December 31.  We were scheduled to meet at Stephen's house around 7 a.m.  It was a short nights rest.


We met at Stephen's house where his mom fixed us a delicious breakfast.  Stephen mentioned a few weeks earlier there might be another kid joining us from his school.  When I got to Stephen's house, I realized there were two more kids who decided to go at the last minute.  There were now six of us heading down to Atlanta.


After breakfast, I was ready to go!  I had just eaten, and I was running on adrenaline from excitement and a lack of sleep.  Since I was wide awake, I decided to drive first.  We packed up the minivan, yes, the minivan, and our group of six guys began the 12 hour drive to Atlanta.


My Christmas break had already been incredible.  I had a great time at the CGF Retreat in Dallas, and I was having a great time with family.  How could it get any better?!


I have never said anything is life changing.  However, the next five days (December 31, 2010- January 4, 2011) completely changed my life.  I had no clue what God was about to do in my life, and in the lives of 22,000 other college students.

Quick Side Track

Sorry to change topics, but I really wanted to share this.  I'll get back to the story with my next post.


This morning, March 23rd, at 10 a.m., I received word that one of the professors is not returning next year.  Normally, this kind of news wouldn't bother me.  However, to me, this isn't just a typical professor.  This is someone I have really come to admire and respect.  I have looked to this person numerous times for advice.  When I heard the news that he wasn't returning, my heart sank.

At the beginning of this semester, my microeconomics teacher asked the question, "Who is your favorite teacher/professor, and why?"  I immediately knew my answer, Professor Michael Cady.

I came to school my freshman year of college not wanting to take accounting.  I took an accounting class in high school and absolutely hated it.  I was not looking forward to a semester of accounting in college.  After the first day of class my freshman year, I knew I would love it!  My professor, Michael Cady, taught with such enthusiasm and passion.  He made accounting interesting which isn't easy to do.  He cared for the students and how they performed on each test.  He assigned a lot of homework, but he definitely had you prepared for the test.  After only a few weeks, he motivated me to switch my major from business management to accounting; which is still my major.

Professor Cady has become like a mentor to me.  I have asked his advice on school, golf, and faith.  We have had many conversations which have meant so much to me.

The past 18 months has made me realize that life isn't about pursuing your dreams, or making a lot of money, or being successful.  I have always had the dream of playing golf on the PGA Tour, and if that didn't work, then I had plans of becoming a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) where I would make as much money as possible.  When I reached the age of 65, I was going to retire from golf or accounting, and move to the Southeast (South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, or Alabama) with my beautiful wife.  We were going to buy a yacht with all the money we had saved.  Evenings would consist of taking the yacht out on the ocean and watch the sunset.  We would sip wine, and I would hold her in my arms as we watched another beautiful day come to an end.

Lately though, I have come to realize how selfish my dreams were.

I always told myself I would never get a twitter account.  My sister had a twitter account and I thought it was the most stupid thing ever.  About ten months ago I gave in.  The main reason I got a twitter was to keep up with my sister.  I never really talk to her over the phone, and facebook doesn't really allow me to see what she's doing throughout the day.  I just wanted to stay in touch with my sister.  I set up an account and started following those closest to me who had a twitter, my sister and Travis Hartley.  I also followed some of my favorite golfers like Davis Love III, Zach Johnson, and Rickie Fowler.  I immediately loved twitter.


Looking at tweets throughout the day became motivating for me.  I would see what the professional golfers were doing throughout their day.  I would see tweets like, "Just had a great workout, now off to the course for some practice."  When I saw these tweets, I would think, "Goodness, I need to work harder if I want to become a professional golfer."  Seeing their work ethic through what they tweeted motivated me to become a better golfer.


As I started following more golfers, I began to see the struggles professional golfers deal with.  I started following other Christian golfers like Aaron Baddeley, and Paul Stankowski.  I would see tweets that made me question if I really wanted to be a professional golfer.  One time Paul Stankowski tweeted this, "Can't wait for summer to come so @GinaStankowski (his wife) and the kiddos can travel with me. #BeingAwayIsGettingHarder"  Webb Simpson is another pro golfer I follow.  One of his tweets said, "Being up at 5:30am is a million times better when it's to be with your son, rather than going to tee it up. #fatherhood"  He also tweeted this once, "Two more days and I'm home!!!!  Missing momma (his wife) and James (his son)"  I began to think, "Is this what I want in the future?"


Last summer, when I began to see these tweets, I also heard the song, "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real.  I'm going to copy and paste the lyrics because they are so good...


I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...


“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone


When I heard this song it started to become clear that life isn't about chasing dreams.  I didn't want my own selfish desires getting in the way of providing and being there for my family.


First, life is about serving God.  In Matthew 28, Jesus is talking to his disciples.  Verses 18-20 say this, "Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'"


Second, life is about serving others.  In John 13:34, Jesus says this to his disciples, "A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another."


I love the part where Jesus says, "As I have loved you, so you must love one another."  How did Jesus love his disciples?  Jesus served, witnessed, and gave up His life for the sake of others.  This is love.  Paul also does a great job of describing love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.


Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's bad if someone plays a professional sport.  I think God blesses people with the ability to do things, but they are intended to be for HIS glory, not ours. If God's plans for me are to play professional golf, then great, I'll serve Him through golf and use the money to help others.  If His plans for me are to be a CPA, then great, I'll be a witness in the business world, and still use the money to help others.


My whole point is that we aren't here for self fame or success.  We are here on earth to love/serve God, and love/serve others.  How does this tie in with my professor?  I'll explain.


When I heard the news this morning that he isn't going to return next semester, I was really disappointed.  He is such a great teacher, and I was looking forward to taking some more classes that he teaches.  After my 10 a.m. class got over, I sat outside the class he was teaching to see if what I heard was true.  When the class got out, I went in to talk to him.  I asked him if he was leaving after this year and he said yes.  He then took the time to explain why.


He told me that his decision to leave had nothing to do with not liking where he was.  He said he loves teaching and being in the classroom with the students.  After committing it to prayer, he said he knew he had to do what's best for his family.  He said if he continued to teach, he would have to get his doctorate which would require him to travel quite a bit over the next few years.  He said he didn't want to do that to his family.  He wanted to be with his wife and kids.  To do this, he is taking another job that will allow him to be with his family more.


He also told me this, he said we don't always know what God is up to.  It is our responsibility to be obedient to where he calls us.  It doesn't always make sense, and everything doesn't always work out the way we think it will, but God is in control.  We are to be faithful and obedient to God without questioning Him.


Professor Cady has been a great example to me of what it means to follow Christ and consider others better than yourselves.  He his putting God first, and then considering the needs of his family.  I am disappointed that Professor Cady will no longer be teaching at OC, but I know he is doing the right thing.  Professor Cady is a great example to me of what it means to follow Christ.


Love/serve God, and love/serve others.

Sophomore Year, First Semester (Fall 2010) Part 2

After the tournament in Oklahoma City, our assistant coach asked what I was doing the next day.  I said I had nothing planned.  He told me to come out to a local course where he would work with me on my golf swing.  Since my golf game was worse than it had ever been, I thought some more help couldn't hurt.


I went out to the course the next day and was ready to work.  The assistant coach worked with me on a new swing.  He also had a former Oklahoma Christian golfer help with what he was teaching me.  After about an hour of hard work on the driving range, I was excited about where my golf game was headed.


I practiced the rest of the semester on this new swing.  Instead of hitting shots that were push-hooks, I was trying to hit low-fades.  This was a drastic change which I knew would not be easy to get used to.  From September 29th to mid-November I just worked on this new swing.  Slowly but surely, my misses began to get smaller and smaller.  I was beginning to hit the ball a little straighter.  I still wasn't playing that well, but I was playing better than I had the past few months.  Most of the semester was spent working on this new swing.  I was determined to get my golf game ready for the Spring semester.


When mid-November came, I was ready for a break.  I had probably played golf an average of 5 days per week for the last year and a half.  In the Spring of 2009, my senior year of high school, I started playing golf at the beginning of March when basketball season got over, and I didn't stop playing since.  I played from March 2009 through November 2010 without any breaks.  I needed a break.  With the exception of a couple days, I didn't touch a golf club for the rest of the semester.


It was during this semester that God really began to work on my heart, and in my life.


I am not sure when it was or where it was, but at some point during this semester I felt the Lord teaching me that golf isn't about how I play, but rather about the relationships I develop.  God has given me the talent to play golf.  I have done nothing to deserve this blessing.  If God has given me the ability to play golf, then it is my job to glorify Him through golf.  I felt like I had done a terrible job of building relationships the past 15 months.  I was so focused on my golf game and how I played, that I pretty much ignored everyone around me.  On the course I was really quiet and tried to focus on my game.  I did a great job or tuning everyone out; something I felt the Lord convicting me of.  I never took the time to ask how the other guys were doing.  I never took the time to hang out with the guys on my golf team.  I was so focused on myself that I completely ignored everyone else.  I didn't realize it at the time, but the Lord was definitely working on my heart.


During this time, the people around me were (and still are) incredibly wonderful.


First, my family was amazing!  I usually spoke every night with my parents just to see how the day had been.  They always asked how I played that day.  My answer was usually, "Not very good."  They always encouraged me and told me that my game would return.  They told me to keep working hard and it would all pay off.  We always ended each conversation with a prayer.  I knew my parents were praying for me, and that brought me great comfort.  My sister was also very encouraging.  Whenever the topic of golf came up, she would tell me to hang in there and keep working hard.


The guys on my golf team were unbelievably patient.  Every day I would play terrible golf.  I would hit the ball in the water, I would hit the ball in the sand, I would hit the ball in the trees, I would hit the ball in the weeds, and I would hit the ball out of bounds.  Every single time the guys would help me look for my ball.  Not once would they say a mean comment.  They were always very encouraging.  Everyone could tell I was playing poorly.  They never laughed (at least not to my face), and they never said a mean word.  Sometimes the guys would take the time out of their day to watch me swing on the driving range.  They would offer tips and help me.  None of the guys want to play with a "hack" (someone who is a bad golfer).  They never showed any frustration when they realized I would be playing with them that day.  They always had nice words to say.  I am still amazed at how nice they have been.


The people I hung out with at school were always very nice.  My friend from Republic who was playing basketball at OC was always encouraging.  We played golf together in high school, so he knew I was capable of playing better golf than I had been.  He also introduced me to one of his friends, Matt Miller.  Matt didn't know a lot about golf, but he would ask how my golf game was coming.  Just knowing that he cared really meant a lot to me.  Matt is also a strong believer in the Lord.  I knew he was someone I could turn to when I needed prayer.  My suite mate was also great.  He enjoyed golf, and frequently asked how I was playing.  He always encouraged me when I would give him the report that I wasn't playing well.


God also provided me with great friendships through K-Life, the student ministry I am involved in.  The people at K-Life always had nice words to say.  Every Monday night at club they would ask how my golf game had been.  They knew I wasn't playing well, but they would offer an encouraging word or two that lifted my spirits.  There are two people at K-Life that I have really gotten to know well.  Tana and Jules have been unbelievably wonderful to me.  They started inviting me over to their house to hang out.  It was always nice and relaxing to be somewhere other than the golf course or my dorm room.  Whenever I would go over to their house I knew I was going to have a great time.  We would laugh and joke around.  Hanging out with them always got my mind off golf.  I was able to relax and just have a great time.  Then God really opened up my friendship with Jules.


Jules and I started meeting at a coffee shop to study.  We always brought our book bags, but we never got any studying done.  I can remember when we met for coffee for the first time that semester.  I brought my biology book to study for an upcoming test.  I think I ended up reading a page and a half over a hour and a half span.  Needless to say, we didn't get much studying done.  Instead, we would talk about life.  Jules always had the right words to say.  She knew how much I loved golf.  She always brought a smile to my face and encouraged me.  We also talked about our faith.  Jules has a heart for the Lord which is something I love.  I know I can share what the Lord is teaching me and Jules will completely understand.  I love hearing how the Lord is working in her life, and she enjoys hearing how the Lord is working in mine.  God has definitely used her to help me realize what is important in life.  Without knowing it, Jules has motivated me to become a more Godly man.  I am so thankful the Lord has blessed me with my friendship with Jules.


The semester was coming to a close, and I was really enjoying my time away from golf.  I hadn't touched a club in a month and I was not upset about it.  Playing bad golf day-in and day-out mentally and physically wore on me.  I felt like I was banging my head into a brick wall for the past 16 months.  Every day I would leave the golf course frustrated and embarrassed.  The time from mid-November to the end of the semester was refreshing.  I was ready for Christmas break... Little did I know, God was about to work in MIGHTY ways.

Sophomore Year, First Semester (Fall 2010) Part 1

I traveled down to school in late August, not really wanting to go back for my sophomore year.  I didn't know a whole lot of people, and honestly, Oklahoma Christian isn't the most exciting school to attend.  I have always had a passion for major universities.  In high school, I really wanted play golf at the University of Missouri (Mizzou), or a NCAA Division I school in the South.  I love the atmosphere of campuses with 25,000+ students, and the excitement everyone has on Saturdays!  I love attending those huge sporting events where all the students are pumped because the game is going to be broadcasted on ESPN that night!  I love tailgating, and the traditions that accompany game days!  I wasn't really excited about going back to Oklahoma where every day I finished dead last on our team, and the most exciting thing was when the cafeteria would have an uncharacteristically delicious, healthy meal.


I could remember all the times I walked into the dorm with my clubs freshman year, and people in the lobby would ask, "How did it go today, Kyle?"  I would respond, "Oh, not so well."  Then they would ask, "Well what did you shoot?"   I just replied with, "(ha) Not good", hoping they would get the hint.  Some people would get the hint, but others would say, "Well what did you shoot?  77?  78?  79?"  I never wanted to tell them, because the score was usually extremely bad.  It would have been embarrassing to say, "I shot a 87."  Then they would probably think, "Wow, why is Kyle playing golf here?  I could beat him."  Somehow I always found a way to get out of not telling them my score.


Anyway, I wasn't really excited for school because there was hardly ever any excitement.  I tried to keep a positive attitude telling myself, "This year I am going to play well and have a lot of fun!"  One thing that helped, was that one of my friends from Republic decided to attend Oklahoma Christian to play basketball.  I found out a week before school that he was actually in the same dorm as me, the same floor as me, and ended up being right across the hall.  This is one of those kids who can always bring a smile to your face.  I knew I would have a great friend, and we would have a lot of fun!  This made me more excited for the semester!


We had our first golf team meeting the first or second week of school, and I could immediately tell I was going to like the new coach!  He was really nice, and I liked a lot of his coaching strategies.  After the meeting was over, I was excited and motivated to play well!


I began practicing and working on my game every day.  I was ready to travel to the tournaments and prove that I could in fact play golf.  Our first tournament was in Oklahoma City at Lincoln Park West.  The same course we played my very first day of collegiate golf qualifying.  Our coach said everyone was going to play in this tournament.  I was so excited!  I was going to play in my very first collegiate golf tournament!


We began qualifying, and my scores once again were awful.  I was consistently shooting around 82.  Sometimes it would be a few strokes lower, and sometimes it would be a few strokes higher.  My swing coach back home told me about a guy in Oklahoma City who was really good at giving lessons.  He told me I should go see him to see if he can help me with my swing.  I agreed to.


I went to the lesson, and left extremely encouraged!  I began working on what the guy was teaching me.  He told me to adjust the way I gripped the golf club.  After about a week of trying this, I wasn't any better.  If anything, I may have gotten a little worse.  In golf, changing your grip is one of the hardest things to get used to.  I was having a difficult time adjusting to this new grip.  This was mid-September, and our tournament was quickly approaching September 27th.  I knew I better get my game in shape or else I was going to completely embarrass myself at the tournament.  I kept working on my game, trying to find my swing.


I came to my lowest point a week before the tournament.  I was still trying to get used to the new way of gripping the golf club and I didn't feel comfortable with my swing.  We played Oak Tree East Course on Saturday, September 25th, two days before the tournament.  I played decent on the first 10 holes, and then it began to rain.


We made our way to hole 11.  This is where it all went downhill.  I played absolutely TERRIBLE on the next 6 holes.  I lost 5 golf balls in 6 holes.  Then we made our way to hole 17, a par three.  This is one of the most difficult par three's I have ever played.  The hole is about 185 yards, over water, and there is a sand trap to the right of the green.  In other words, there is really no room for error.  If you aren't on the green, then you are in trouble.  I took two clubs to the tee-box because I wasn't sure which club to hit.  I took my 3-hybrid, and my 2 hybrid.  There was about a 15 mph wind that was blowing in our face.  I opted to hit the 2-hybrid.


It was my turn to hit.  I placed my ball on a good piece of grass, and went through my pre-shot routine.  I aimed at the right side of the green for two reasons.  One, the wind was probably going to blow the ball back to the left toward the green, and two, I didn't want to hit the ball in the water.  I swung and the ball went flying into the air.  I hit a low fade into the wind.  The swing felt great!  As the ball was getting closer and closer to the green, I could tell there was a chance it may end up short in the water.  When the ball finally landed, I saw it splash about 3 yards short of the green.  My heart sank.  I had now just lost 6 golf balls in 7 holes, with a chance of losing more.  At this point I was fuming with anger.  I teed-up another ball.  I hit the same exact shot, a low fade.  This time I thought the ball was going to reach the green.  I was wrong.  I saw the ball splash in the water... again.


What happens next is something I'm not proud of.


I yelled out in anger at the top of my lungs, and threw my club as hard as I could into a pile of weeds to the right of the tee-box.  I picked up my 3-hybrid that was laying on the ground, and threw it straight into the ground (bad idea).  Immediately, I saw my club bend.  I knew I had just snapped the steel shaft in my 3-hybrid.  Honestly though, I didn't really care at this point.  I furiously walked back to my bag and pulled out another ball.  I walked back toward the tee-box, but had to march into the weeds to get my other club.  I picked up my club in the weeds, and stomped to the tee-box.  I carelessly dropped my ball on the tee-box and immediately swung as hard as I could.  I looked up and saw the ball heading toward the same exact spot.  This time, by the grace of God, the ball cleared the water by 2 yards and landed on the green. I bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to gather myself with what just happened.  As I began to cool off, I walked over to my other club that lay bent on the ground.  When I went to pick the club up, the steel shaft completely broke.  I picked up the two parts of the club, and quietly walked back to my bag.


The two guys I was playing with were completely quiet and in shock.  One of them is from Argentina and the other is from Norway.  They didn't say a word.  They couldn't believe I had just snapped my club, and honestly, I couldn't either.  Controlling my temper on the course is always something I have been exceptionally good at.  When I was little (8 years old) my mom would pull me off the course if I threw a club.  I was taught at a young age to respect the game and control my temper.  I have always done a great job of that.


The guys on the team know I control my anger on the course really well.  I had played poorly the past year, and not once did I show any anger.  All my poor play over the past year had just boiled to that point.  I had never released any frustration, and it came out on that one hole.  I was lucky my bag wasn't close to the tee-box, because if it was,  I probably would have thrown it in the water... seriously.  It's hard to express how mad I was that day.  I think I ended up shooting a 96.


I finished my round and began to put my clubs in the car.  As I sat there in the parking lot putting my things away, I broke down crying.  Golf confused me.  I played so well in high school, and now I'm in college and playing worse than I ever have.  I was also mad at myself for letting my anger get the best of me.  I know better than to lose my temper, and I let my guard down on that one hole.  I was disappointed with myself.


Coach came over to talk to me.  I tried to hold back the tears, but they just kept coming.  Coach asked if I would still like to play in the tournament on Monday.  I said I definitely wanted to play.  I thought it might motivate me to play better golf.  He gave me some words of encouragement and told me he would see me Monday at the tournament.  I finished putting my things in the car and drove back to campus.


That night I told my mom what happened.  She wasn't angry or mad that I broke my club.  She just felt bad.  My parents know how frustrated I have been.  They have heard all the stories about how poorly I have played.  Every day they ask how I played that day, and every time I say, "Not good."  They have been frustrated too.  It doesn't make sense that my game would just, "poof", disappear.  My mom also gave me some words of encouragement, and told me she and my dad would be praying for me.


I took my broken golf club to Golf Galaxy where they fixed it within 24 hours; just in time for the tournament on Monday.


It was time to play in the tournament.  September 27th was here, and I was just hoping not to embarrass myself.  I hardly had any confidence, but was hoping the tournament would motivate me.  We played 36 holes on Monday.  I played 27 bad holes, and 9 decent holes.  My parents came down to watch.  When they got to the course, the first shot they saw me hit was me hacking the ball out of some thick weeds.  I was hitting the ball everywhere.  Sometimes I would hit the ball way left, and sometimes I would hit the ball way right.  I rarely hit the ball down the middle of the fairway.  We played 18 more holes on the 28th.  I played even worse the second day.  My scores for this tournament were absolutely awful.  They were scores that reflected how bad I was playing.  I shot 84, 77, 87.  I placed 85th out of 87 golfers.  Third to last place.


At this point I was burnt out.  I wasn't burnt out on golf, but burnt out on playing bad golf.  I was sick of playing terrible every day.  Golf was not fun anymore.  Every time I played I ended up playing terrible.  I had now been in a slump for the past 13 months, and was mentally and physically exhausted.

Summer 2010

Warning: Another long blog post.  I promise they will get shorter soon.  Just trying to catch-up from the past 18 months.  I hope you enjoy the post!

The summer of 2010 was a summer of firsts for me.

I just finished my redshirt (freshman) year of school, and was determined to improve my golf game.  I did not want my redshirt freshman (sophomore) year of school to be a repeat of the previous year.  I started practicing every day trying to improve all parts of my golf game.  I had my first qualifier of the summer in May.  I was hoping my two weeks of hard work would pay off.

I traveled to St. Louis excited and not really sure what to expect.  I got to the course and started warming-up.  I made my way to the first tee where I met a former Mizzou golfer.  He asked if I would like to join him for the practice round and I said, "sure!"

We teed-off, and I could immediately tell he was a really nice guy!  (There are a lot of golfers who aren't the most fun to be around while on the course)  We started talking and after a few holes I could tell he was a solid Christian.  We talked about golf, life, and faith.  I quickly realized he was a really good golfer too.  A LOT better than me!  We kept talking and I told him about my freshman year of golf.  I didn't go into a lot of detail, but he could tell I didn't have a great year.  He gave me some great tips and encouragement.  We finished our practice round and wished each other "best of luck" for the qualifier the next day.  Playing the practice round with him really calmed my nerves.

I came to the course on the day of the qualifier with a great attitude!  I was excited and ready to play!  It rained quite a bit over-night, which made the long course even longer.  I don't hit the ball real far, so I knew I would have to rely on my short game if I wanted to be one of the guys who qualified.  I began my round with a great start!  I hit my first shot down the middle of the fairway and hit my next shot to about 25 feet of the hole.  I made my putt for birdie, so I was 1-under par after my first hole.  I was doing great!  I played my next few holes okay... and then it began to rain.

We were allowed caddies for this qualifier, but it was only an 18 hole qualifier so I figured I would be okay.  It turned out a caddy would have helped a lot!  The rain began to fall and so did my golf game.  I was having a difficult time getting yardages, staying dry, and keeping my clubs dry as well.  The grips on my golf clubs got wet really fast which made it difficult to swing.  It's not fun swinging a golf club and having the thought, "Oh boy, I hope the club doesn't go flying out of my hands."  I started hitting the ball everywhere.  I would hit it left, right, in the water, in the sand, and in the trees.  You could say I got my monies worth.  I saw every part of the course there was to see.  Needless to say, I failed to qualify for the tournament.  I think I shot 87.  A score that seemed rather normal for the past nine months.

I drove home trying to stay positive.  If there was one thing I learned from this qualifier, it was that I needed to play better in bad conditions.  The next week there was a day when it started to rain.  I put on my rain gear and went to the course to practice.  I knew if I wanted to be a good golfer, I would have to be able to play well in all conditions.

The summer continued and I kept practicing.  I played in another qualifier in St. Louis a few weeks later.  This time, instead of 80 guys playing for 3 spots, there were about 50 guys playing for 25 spots.  I knew I had a decent chance of qualifying.  I had learned my lesson; for this qualifier I had a caddy.  I asked my cousin if he would like to caddy and he agreed.  I kind of struggled the whole day, but kept a positive attitude.  I continued to keep my focus and played hard.  I came in with a score around 79, I think.  Not a great score, but better than the last qualifier.  I was in a playoff with I believe, five other guys.  There were six of us playing for four spots.  The playoff ended on the second hole.  I was fortunate enough to be one of the four that qualified.  I was very excited!  I just qualified for my first non-junior tournament, the Missouri Match Play Championship.  To celebrate, me and my cousin went to the closest gas station and got a couple 44 ounce drinks for one dollar (we're big spenders).  I drove home pumped that my golf game was improving!

This is where the "Summer of Firsts" begins.

It was time to play in the Missouri Match Play Championship at Twin Oaks Country Club in Springfield, Missouri.  I played my practice round with a couple buddies who knew the course really well.  They gave me some great tips on where to hit the ball and where not to hit the ball.  I was thinking to myself, "Gee, I just want to hit the fairway."  I didn't hit the ball that well in the practice round which really concerned me.  The name of the golf course is pretty deceiving.  It shouldn't be called "Twin Oaks," it should be called "Thousand Oaks."  There are so many trees on this course.  If you miss the fairway, you are definitely trapped by a gazillion oak trees.  I knew I would have to hit the ball a lot straighter if I wanted to play well.

The first day of the tournament came, and I was ready to play.  I was thinking positive, and had in mind I was going to play well.  My dad was nice enough to skip work in the morning and come watch me play.  I absolutely love it when my parents are able to watch me play.  It reminds me of all the junior golf days when they drove me around the Midwest, trying to help me earn the chance to get a golf scholarship for college.  Anyway, it was time for me to tee-off.  I parred my first hole and was off to a great start!  The next hole was a par three that was about 200 yards.  I pulled out my 3 hybrid club.  I swung, and the ball went waayyyyy left!  I missed the green about 40 yards left.  A terrible shot.  After my round, my dad said he didn't even see where the ball landed because it was so far left.  The rest of the round didn't go so great. Once again, I was hitting the ball everywhere.  I finished my round with a score of 79.

This is where the story becomes entertaining.

I walked to the scoring tent to sign my scorecard to verify that I shot 79.  In golf, you trade scorecards with the other players to make sure no one tries to cheat.  There were three of us in the group that day, so we all kept someone else's scorecard.  I got my card from the kid who kept my score, and checked over the scores to make sure he had them written correctly.  As I was checking over each hole to make sure the score was correct, someone said something behind me and I turned around.  When I turned back around to check my scorecard, I failed to check over the last few holes.  I signed my scorecard real quick to verify that it was correct, and I went to go eat with my dad and caddy.  After I ate, I went to the driving range to practice, and my dad went back to work.  Later that day, as I was driving home, my dad called me.  He said he was checking the scores of the tournament online and they had my score as a 78.  I knew I shot a 79, so I began to worry.  My dad told me the scores online showed that I got a 4 on the 18th hole.  I knew I actually had a 5.  I was hoping it was just a typo when the tournament staff entered the scores into the computer.  I called the tournament director and he said he would find my scorecard and call me back.  I was hoping it was just a typo.

He called me back about 15 minutes later.  I asked him to see what my scorecard said for hole 18.  He looked at the scorecard and told me there was a 4 written on the card.  My heart sank.  I knew I had just been disqualified from the tournament.  In golf, if you sign the scorecard for a score lower than you actually shoot, you are disqualified.  This was the first time I had ever been disqualified from a tournament.  I was so mad at myself!  I couldn't believe I had done something soooooo stupid!  All I had to do was focus when checking over my scorecard and I would have noticed there was a 4 written down for hole 18 instead of a 5.  Instead, I just kind of glanced over the scores without paying much attention to each score, and it ended up costing me big time.  People would look at the scoreboard and see a "DQ" next to my name.  I'm not sure if there is anything more embarrassing in golf than seeing a "DQ" next to your name.  I was so mad that I had just wasted all that money to play in a tournament that I didn't even get to finish.  My dad joked with me and said, "Well Kyle, it's a good thing you're an accounting major."  That made me laugh.


This was the first time I had ever been disqualified from a tournament... and hopefully the last time.

The summer continued and so did my poor play.  I struggled to break 80.  When I was in high school, I was breaking 80 every day.  My game had definitely taken a step back.  I continued to practice and tried to stay positive.  I kept quoting James 1:2-4 in my head.  I kept telling myself that God was just teaching me a lesson in perseverance.  So, I continued to persevere.

I signed up for the Missouri Stroke Play Championship in St. Louis.  Mid-July came around, and it was time to play in the tournament.

On the first day of the tournament I didn't play very well (surprise, surprise).  I knew if I played well the second day I would have a chance to play the third day.  There were about 156 golfers, and after the first two rounds the field gets cut down to the top 60 scores.  Those 60 golfers play another 36 holes on the third day.  I was hoping I could play well enough the second day to get into the top 60.  I was playing alright the second day.  Whenever I hit a bad shot, I just tried to hit a good recovery shot and minimize the damage.  Our group had about 6 holes left when we came to a par three.  I stepped onto the tee-box with confidence because I just birdied the previous hole.  The hole was about 210 yards, and about 60 yards downhill.  I pulled my 3 hybrid club from my bag (the same club I hit on the par three at Twin Oaks).  I set-up to the ball and was ready to hit.  I swung the club and sent the ball flying through the air.  When I looked up, I noticed the ball was not heading toward the green.  Instead, the ball was flying 50 yards left toward the next tee-box.  I noticed one of the guys in the group in front of us was standing on the tee-box.  I yelled, "FOOORRRREEEEEEE!!!!"

The course we were playing was next to the Lambert-St. Louis International Airport and next to the interstate.

When the ball landed, I saw a guy run out to the right.  I thought, "Phewww, he dodged it!"  I was wrong.

After I put my club in my bag I saw a golf cart driving toward me.  I was about to find out one of the guys had a few words for me.  A guy drove up and said, "I'm going to try and say this as nice as possible, but next time you hit a ball at someone (explicit) yell fore!  You just nailed that guy in the nuts!"  I was rattled.  I said, "Sorry sir, I didn't mean to hit it at him.  I did yell fore though.  I'm so sorry.  I guess you didn't hear it because of the planes and the cars."  The guy calmed down a little bit and drove away.  I drove my cart down the hill and went over to apologize to the guy I just hit.  I went up to him and said, "Sir, I am sooooo sorry!  I feel terrible!  Where did it hit you?" (I was hoping and praying that I missed his manhood.  All I thought was "WOW, I just ruined this guys chance to have kids.")  The man replied by saying, "Don't worry about it.  It hit me on the thigh.  I'm alright."  This was a huge relief to me.  My golf ball missed his manhood by about 2 inches.  Thank you, Lord!  The man said, "It's alright.  This is actually the second time I've been hit today.  Hit your next shot close and get a par."  The man's dad was watching him play and said, "Yeah, he's been hit twice today and it's his birthday."  I was trying with everything I had not to laugh.  How unlucky is that?!  This guy got hit with a golf ball twice in one day... and it was his birthday!  I couldn't believe it.


The man drove off and I tried to refocus to hit my next shot.

Needless to say, I played terrible the rest of the round.  I think I played the last 6 holes at 8-over par.  That's some really bad golf.  I felt terrible for the guy I hit, but I couldn't stop laughing to myself that he was hit twice in one day.  It is extremely rare for someone to get hit by a golf ball.  I was rattled that I had just hit someone for the first time in my life.  I finished my round, checked over my scorecard VERY closely, and signed the card after I was SURE it was correct.  I failed to place in the top 60, so the tournament was over for me.  The next day I drove home.

I played a couple more tournaments the remainder of the summer, but didn't play very well.  Sometimes I would shoot 85, and sometimes I would have "flashes of greatness" and shoot 71.  I never knew how I would play day-to-day.  Golf began to get extremely frustrating.  I was still questioning God, saying, "What have I done to deserve this?  Are you seeing how frustrated I am?"  I continued to pray and trust God; knowing He had a plan for my life.

It was mid-August, and I had been in a slump for the past year.  School was quickly approaching and I had definitely not improved over the past four months.  My summer was highlighted by being disqualified from a tournament, and hitting a guy on accident with my golf ball.  I tried to keep a positive attitude and tell myself that my golf game would return soon.  I honestly was not excited at all to head back to school.  I was disappointed because my coach at school resigned earlier in the summer to help a friend with his new business.  I really liked my coach.  He was always very encouraging to me.  I wasn't sure what to expect with the new coach that was hired.

After a couple weeks of practice, it was time to head back to Oklahoma for my redshirt freshman (sophomore) year of school.  Maybe, just maybe, my game would return in the fall!